Month: December 2015

IT’S NO JOKE

kenthorp Uncategorized

The monthly meeting of BABS promised to be a sombre affair. Chair opened by stating that the Bridge Association of Britain and the Republic of Scotland was in a parlous condition, membership had declined at an alarming rate, funds were virtually non-existent. Attempts by club branches to raise money by incorporating bring and buy sales at their weekly sessions had been a disaster. Piddlehinton branch reported a loss of thirty pounds on account of having to pay a rag and bone to remove over a thousand unsold VHS tapes of The Sound of Music from the Church Hall.

Agnes Askew raised her stick and asked that the meeting be adjourned for tea and cup-cakes. “A wee bit early” said Chair not unkindly.

Fred Flannel jumped to his feet, this was his moment, “No good pussyfooting around” he said “we must grab the thistle by the hand, take the bull by the horns and act fast. Underwater bridge is the answer.” He explained that with the advent of plastic playing cards his proposition was perfectly feasible, how youngsters would flock to be part of the venture. Television companies would be keen to cover underwater bridge events in the same way as they covered beach volleyball. For the next fifty minutes he waxed lyrical, metaphor after metaphor rained forth, in fact they poured from his lips: it was a virtuoso performance. A vote was taken and passed by five votes to four that henceforth BABS would be known as UBABS. Agnes voted for the motion on the grounds she did not wish to miss out on her tea and cup-cakes.

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